Saturday, May 23, 2015

Monday, April 27, 2015

Pandorum Video Critique Part 1 (Transcription)

The Premise:

Pandorum is a Survival-Adventure/Mystery/Horror film released in 2009. Directed and co-written by Christian Alvart, produced by Paul W.S. Anderson.

Pandorum(which sounds like a mixed word between paranoia and delirium) is the nickname of a psychosis called Oribital Dysfunctional Syndrome. Which causes severe paranoia, delirium, and nosebleed that results from space travel and is a throwback to the classic science fiction trope known as "space madness", which somewhat happens in real life.(insert clip)

The basic plot is about a sleeper ship and interstellar ark carrying 60,000 on a mission now lost in space. The mission being a one-way ticket to colonize an earth-like Tanis because Earth's population has grown to the point where its exceeding the carry capacity. The trip is 123 years long so the crew and passengers being of multiple cultural backgrounds ranging from American, Indian, Russian, German, to Vietnamese. Also indicated by the transmission in multiple languages saying "You're all that's left of us. Good luck, God bless, and God's speed".

But eight years later into the mission two men named Corporeal Bower and Lieutenant Payton a are awaken from hypersleep by power surges. They found that the ship is roamed by tribal pale creatures who feed on both humans and themselves, with physical abilities above that of humans. Worse, the ship going to blow if the nuclear reactor of the ship is not fixed so Bower sends out to fix it with the help of survivors named Nadia, Mahn, and Leland. As well as found out what happened on the ship and what is going on.

The Back Story:

The film began life as a preliminary script written by Travis Milloy in the late-1990s. Inspired by The Poseidon Adventure , the story was originally  set on a prison ship named ''Pandorum'', transporting thousands of Earth's deadliest prisoners to another planet; the cannibal hunters were the end result of the prisoners' degeneration. The characters played by Antje Traue and Cung Le were inmates. Ben Foster's character was a non-prisoner who did not trust anyone.

It would eventually attract the attention of filmmaker Paul W. S. Anderson and Jeremy Bolt, and they gave it to Impact Pictures, who green-lit it. The producers gave the script to director Christian Alvart who was struck by the similarities to his own screenplay titled ''No Where''. His dramatic story was about four astronauts aboard a settlers' ship who suffer from amnesia. Alvart decided that they should meld the two screenplays together, and the producers and Milloy agreed. With the ship now changed to a settler's ship, the use of the word "Pandorum" was changed from the name of the ship to a type of mental illness caused by sustained deep space travel.

The script Alvart and Milloy made slightly differs from the direction. Its creepier than the film itself and some mix martial arts actions were added that weren't in the script. I have a strong feeling that this was Paul W.S. Anderson or the studio's doing into order to make it a spiritual successor to his Resident Evil film, because that is what it was advertised as. They also added in an prologue that wasn't in the original screenplay.

The History:

Of course the basic premise isn't anything new. Its genre that dates back to 1938 with The Black Destroy and Discord in Scarlet by A. E. van Vogt, who is considered to be the most popular and influential author of the Gold Age of Science Fiction. This premise made its way into an episode of Doctor Who called the Ark in Space, into film with It! The Terror From Beyond Space. The genre would then be parodied by John Carpenter's debut Dark Star, who's co-writer Dan O'Bannon of said parody would go on to write the classic Alien, which stood out due to its subtle theme of sexually assault and its creative monster. Then A. E. pressed plagiarism charges on FOX and almost every spaceship horror post-Alien try to imitate it(Creature, Alien 2: On Earth, Alien Contamination).

But this isn't a bad thing. Most people don't watch movies for a completely unique premise. Look at all the financially successful alien invasion genre(The Body Snatcher, They Live, Independence Day, Skyline, Battle Los Angeles, Edge of Tomorrow)  and that dates back all the way back to 1897 with HG Wells' War of The Worlds. Or Man vs Machine genre(Terminator, The Matrix, I Robot, Days of Future Past, Age of Ultron). And of course there is the zombie apocalypse genre (Night of The Dead, Return of The Living Dead, 28 Days Later, World War Z). 

With the exception of the Alien franchise none of the movies of this genre have been successful neither critically or financially. Most of them are widely considered bad and are just pale intimations of Alien. But there are handful which have gained a cult following over the years. Such as aforementioned Dark Star, 1981's Galaxy of Terror, 1997's Event Horizon, and this film.

The Reception:

Now lets get into the initial critical reception which was mostly sub-par, mixed, and just thought the movie was "meh". With around 30% of critics liking it. The quick cuts fight scenes are one of the few reasonable criticisms this film. Others criticized the film for the characters whispering being hard to understand and it being somewhat too dark. But I think the former is fair but latter isn't as its a ship where the power is out.

Some had very subjective criticisms like the pacing being slow, but their are many that think its pretty fast. Others subjective criticisms that it just wasn't scary or it was hard to follow. But there were some criticisms that were based inattention, contextomy, and/or flat out bias. Some people even criticize this movie for actually having science in, which I'll explain later.

The main factor for its poor opening was the lack of advertisement. As the description on the facebook fan page notes that most of its member found out about the film through Netflix  or late night television. This was due Overture Films obviously lacking the budget for a decent promotion as evident by the studio filing for bankruptcy several months later.  Let Me In, another Overture Film production suffered the same fate because of this as well, making around the same amount of money. Lets also not forget the competition(Surrogates and Paranormal Activity). So even if this was well received critically it would have bombed.

Another problem with the advertisement was that the film was mismarketed. There were posters that showed images that had nothing to do with the film's plot. Here is why this is a problem as Chuck Stuckmann puts it:(insert clip) This of course lead to some poor word of mouth when they found out they got a zombie survival horror story.

However, the film would gain a significant cult following in 2013 due to two factors. Mainly due to a wide-spread prank regarding the hit TV series The Walking Dead. One of the of the main stars of the series Norman Reese appeared in this film as a redshirt to be eaten by the film's monsters. His death scene was used by pranksters to make it look like Reese's character was going to die in the next season of the show(some people still use it to this day). When this was revealed to be a hoax, naturally zombie survival fans were curious to know where the image was from. Now people were watching the film expecting a zombie survival horror story, getting that and much more.

Man of Steel was also released that year which featured the beloved character Faora, played by Antje Traue who is the female lead in this movie. Naturally, this lead to people wanting to found out more about actress and her character in this film does have some similarities to Faora. The film also begins up morality and evolution which Faora talked about in one scene.

Now there are a good number of people that think this film is underrated, to a criminally level by some. As evident by the Google search prediction and its ratings on Netflix from over a million people. But is it? That's what this critique is for. Here is an unbiased and insightful look at Pandorum!

Monday, November 24, 2014

Naruto Shippuden Critique Chapter 2: The Gods of Bad Storytelling


                    If you've read Naruto Chapter 682 you'll know why I posted this...

I've received a lot of positive feedback from my previous blog entry on Sakura compared to the first one. So I'll stick to critiquing rather than bashing the series, except when I touch on things that are extremely silly or flat out stupid. 

Now on to the Ootsusuki Clan which are the second worst characters in the series. I consider them one entity who are all equally bad and do an equal amount of damage to the series. But they don't do the same kind of damage Sakura's character does. They aren't offensive or send a morally bad message like our terrible female lead, but they do damage the narrative and destroy other characters with their presence. Also invalidating several themes in part 1, along with introducing many plot holes and retcons.

I'll be talking about Hagoromo, Ashura/Indra, and Kaguya. Explaining how they ruined this story, have nonsensical backgrounds, and are badly written character. I'll be excluding Hamura because he is irrelevant.

Hagoromo Ootsusuki

First off, The Sage of Six Paths completely destroys the theme in Naruto about how the new generation always surpasses the previous ones. No one in the later generations could ever perform a planetary feat like Hagoromo, unless he gave them the seals which is superior to any other seals. He can summon the King of Hell, which superior to Reaper Death Seal. No one can summon the souls of the dead like him, that is superior to Edo Tensei. No one can heal people like him(Naruto's Jesus powers came from him), that is superior to all medical ninjutsu. He can awake the Rinne Sharingan and be able to cast Infinite Tsukuyomi, which is superior to all other genjutsu. He can do all of this without being the Juubi's Jinchuuriki and he said his mother was stronger than him. Kishi clearly didn't put much thought in creating this character.

The story of Hagoromo is also poorly thought out, a retcon(the One-tails & Nine-tails use to be demons instead of chakra constructs), and makes him look idiotic. I mean, why turn the chakra of the Ten Tails into giant monsters instead of destroying it to prevent its revival? He told the tailed beast that its revival would mean the end of the why didn't he completely eliminate that possibility? According to Sasuke the tailed beast can be killed if you destroy ever last bit of their chakra. Naruto was worried about Sasuke using Amaterasu on Juubi before getting the tailed beast out, and Hagoromo didn't refute him when heard of his plan. So it must to be possible. I mean, what was the point in creating in creating the beast anyway?

But the Character Induced Stupidity doesn't end there! As Hagaromo doesn't even bother to tell Naruto and Sasuke how to dispell Infinite Tsukuyomi before sending them off to fight Madara. If Sasuke had not cut Madara in half they would never found out how to stop the genjutsu.

Another example of Hagoromo's poor decision making skill is giving power to Sasuke after telling him his nonsensical "Revolution". He doesn't even bother to point out the flaws in his plan, he just puts all his faith in Naruto to talk him out of it. He doesn't even tell Naruto about it. What if Sasuke had chosen to kill the Kages before attacking Naruto? Seriously...

Sages are suppose to be wise. But Hagoromo has made the stupidest decisions in the entire series...

Ashura and Indra Ootsusuki

But there is a problem with that development. According to Hagoromo Asura chose Naruto to reincarnate because his of personality, meaning he knew what kind of person he was going to be before he was even born. Okay, so remember what Neji said about destiny? That talent and your path is decided before your even born? Well it looks like Neji was right and that is the reason why died obviously. Kishi clearly views Naruto and Sasuke's bond to be the most important thing in this series. To the point where he sacrifices side-characters.

This just hurts the idea that hard work can beat natural talent any time. Because Naruto rises to a level of power due to being an incarnation of Asura and no one can achieve that level through hard work, at least not for more than a few minutes. The 8th Gate is the only thing that has been proven to allow an individual to reach that kind of power, but they'd literally need to sacrifice their life for a chance at victory. So in the grant scheme natural talent beats hard work.

Kaguya Ootsusuki/The Ten Tails

One of the biggest problems with Kaguya is that she is so repetitive to the story. As it is a part of a chain of manipulation. I don't really want to dwell on this too much. So I'll will let this image explain it.

Kaguya's serves three purposes in the manga. Number one, tie up the loose end about the Hyuuga and Uchiha being related that was mentioned in Part 1. Number two, to be a cash grab for THE LAST as the movie focuses on the Ootsusuki clan. Number three(the biggest reason), to destroy the moral ambiguity of Infinite Tsukuyomi by turning it from a grey area to a black area.


As you can see in the link above, readers were larger divided with the notion of Infinite Tsukuyomi. The entire population living in a perfect dream world with all their desires granted and having their bodies preserved for all of eternity(shown by that tree that kept Madara from dying of old age), literally living happily forever. Also solving problems like famine, pandemics that could wipe out humanity, pain, and loss of loved ones. This was at worst a dark-grey area, even though it was lie. Which is ironic that Naruto uses that as a counter-argument, considering he wants to keep the truth about the Uchiha Massacre a secret to protect its reputation. But I digress and will get into Infinite Tsukuyomi's pros and cons in the next chapter about Obito.

Kishi knew Naruto's argument wouldn't have much of an impact on many readers. But instead of having Naruto face an actual moral conflict and ideological struggle, Kishi instead cops out by having Infinite Tsukuyomi actually turn people into Zetsu over time to put Naruto completely in the right. Revealing that Zetsus were not artificial humans/clones created from Hashirama's DNA but victims of a previous Infinite Tsukuyomi event. But there is tons of evidence saying that this is a blatant retcon. Like the fact that all the Zetsus were males, Shizune explaining they had DNA identical to Hashirama, and a group of Zetsu referring to White Zetsu as their "original" when they are among themselves(only Sasuke was around and they planned on killing him). This seriously came out of nowhere and creates plot holes.

Kishi tries to make it look like he has been foreshadowing this twist for sometime by having people hang from the tree like the "failed zetsu experiments" Madara was talking about. However, that was just a retcon to make it look that way. As flashback in chapter 671 shows the victims of the genjutsu were laying on the ground connected to the roots, rather than hanging from them. Nice try Kishi.

Now there is Black Zetsu being Kaguya's will instead of Madara's which is another obvious retcon. As we saw Madara create Black Zetsu on-panel with yin-yang release. There is nothing explaining this. This reveal just creates even more plot holes.

Kaguya's presence destroys Zetsu's character as they were a metaphor for Yin-Yang. Black Zetsu represented Yin, being made from Madara's essence. While White Zetsu was Yang, being made from Hashirama. However, they are both products of Kaguya now. This was disrespectful to the characters and their fans.

Kaguya's presence also ruins Madara's departure. He gets spat out like gum, says a few measly words, and dies. A character that has been hyped for years gets pathetic end. We didn't even get to see him use his full power after gaining it. Kishi totally made the hype of him gaining both his eyes pointless. He should have had Sakura just destroy his eye and have Madara cast the genjutsu with the tree instead. Again, disrespectful to a character and their fans.

Now on to Kaguya's personality which is very one dimensional, but that is consistent to what was said about the Ten-tails not having much emotions and its later said that she was heartless unlike the other enemies Naruto has faced. Now this isn't necessarily a bad thing as there have been famous antagonists with little personality, but they made up for it by being menacing like Jason Voorhees and Michael Myers. Kaguya starts out like this but Kishi destroys that having her get wet over the Sexy Jutsu along with Sakura in battle. That's why I posted the image you see at the top...

Kishi doesn't even try to make up for all of this with a good fight between gods. Its mostly just hide and seek between Kaguya and Naruto. Plus, there are massive plot holes that put the fight in Team 7's favor such as Kakashi and Obito moving through heavy gravity and Sakura having enough chakra to travel through Kaguya dimensions(as mentioned in the previous chapter). Another example is Kaguya being established to absorb chakra attack, yet she tries to avoid a regular chidori by Sasuke wasting chakra in the process and doesn't absorb Kakashi's attack. Even Naruto uses large chakra attacks against her in chapter 688 even though he wouldn't in chapter 684 because she'll absorb it. Its like Kishi forgot about her abilities.

This ridiculous level of plot armor is presence in Kaguya's defeat. First there is that asspull Kakashi power-up. Then Kaguya gets fooled by a transformation jutsu with her Byakugan activated. Which makes no sense since she has shown to be able to tell Naruto and Sasuke's chakra's apart in chapter 679. She doesn't even use her chakra claws to punch Naruto and Sasuke away which she had done three times before. Or use her hair to restrain which she had done twice. Then there is the BS Sakura punch which I already explained in the previous chapter and Kaguya not seeing her coming(the Byuakugan blind-spot is VERY tiny). Basically, Team 7 didn't defeat Kaguya because of teamwork but with tons of Character and Plot Induced Stupidity.

Hell, even the Sun and Moon seals that defeated her are unbelievablely huge plot holes. As chapter 690 shows a flashback where Kaguya's sons used the Chibaku Tensei seal against her in their battle,,. Okay, so when did Hagoromo get the chance to become the Ten-tails' Jinchuuriki if that happened? Kurama said that Hagoromo had the Gedo Mazo inside him, but even the databook supports this plot hole:

"Ever since "humans" were given form, they have fought each other and walked in a world of war. The earth was stained with blood, and as if it were absorbing that blood for nourishment, the Shinju took root in the earth. Eventually the Shinju beared a single fruit, and a certain clan came from another world seeking that fruit: the Ootsutsuki clan. Kaguya, leader of the Ootsutsuki, ate the fruit and became the progenitor of all chakra, and with her absolute power brought peace to the world in an instant.

After ending the turbulent era, she became known as the Rabbit Goddess and received the blessing of the people, giving birth to twins. But after that, Kaguya would occasionally use harsh means to rule the people as a dictator. The Byakugan, Sharingan, and Infinite Tsukuyomi - the people feared and respected the jutsu Kaguya wielded. Eventually, the "Rabbit Goddess" became known as a demon instead. And then, Kaguya became ruled by her desire to make all chakra her own.

To make all chakra one - Kaguya's desire eventually turned on Hagoromo and Hamura, her own twin sons with whom she had split her chakra. Kaguya formed a plan, and in order to take in all chakra, fused with the Shinju and battled against her twin sons.

The twins, assuming that the Juubi was a transformed Shinju attacking them in order to reclaim the chakra that was taken from it, faced off against it. And after a fierce battle, the activated Rikudou Chibaku Tensei. They turned it into the moon and sealed it away. 

Caption next to Hamura on the last page: The Gedou Mazou, the remaining shell of the Juubi, was sealed in the moon. Hamura took command of the clan to watch over the Mazou."

So Kaguya like the rest of her family made the story a mess. But the biggest damage this family did was retconning chakra. Instead of being energy made from spirit and physical energy to the energy of a tree, which humans originally didn't have. So they didn't have spirit or physical energy until Hagoromo gave it to them? Whatever...

See you sometime next week with my take on Obito Uchiha!

Saturday, November 15, 2014

Naruto Shippuden Critique Chapter 1: Underdeveloped and Neglected Female Lead

                                    truth it died long before 2014...

With this blog and following blogs I'm going to do less bashing and more construction criticism. As some people have criticize my introduction blog for rightfully mocking Shippuden(aka Asspull). So I'm going to tune it down and not refers to Shippuden as Asspull for now on. However, I'm still going to pan this series, starting with a major flaw that has been present since before the time-skip, Sakura Haruno. Whom I think Kishi hates as he has a rock randomly smack her in the face for no reason in chapter 613. Anyway, here are the reasons why she is one of the worst characters in the series up there with Obito, Kaguya, and Hagoromo:

She's a Faux Main Character 

One of the biggest problems with Sakura is that she is given the title of major character, when she is actually a side-character. As she is less fleshed than not only Naruto and Sasuke, but also side-characters. As we know nothing about her family and her parents have never appeared in the manga. But we know and have seen Ino's, Shikamaru's, Choji's, Kiba's, Shino's, and Hinata/Neji's family and parents. All who are side-characters, which should not happen if she is the female lead. Even Teten is more more developed than her in terms of career goals. Which was be a ninja like Tsunade, while Sakura states that she doesn't know. Her background is almost a complete blank-slate, that only consists of her relationship with Ino.

She is also underdeveloped battle-wise as she's only played a major role in one battle throughout the entire series which was the Sasori fight. She also didn't live up to her up. While her teammates developed their skills and abilities outside of their Sanin training and surpassed their mentors, Sakura is nothing more than a Tsunade knock-off. Her mentor was able to fully heal Shikamaru with ease, while she couldn't even with kyuubi chakra at the time. After her power-up Hashirama compared her to Tsunade, saying she "might" be stronger, but she was a child the last time he saw her, so Sakura is not even close to Tsunade in her prime. Kishi didn't even capitalized on her genjutsu skills which was hyped in part 1. She has never even won a fight on her own. Sakura got trolled.

As someone who is suppose to be one of the main characters she adds another to the story. There isn't even a story arc centered around her. While even side characters like Shikamaru, Tsunade, and Gaara had an arc focused on them, even Hinata got one in The Last. For a main character Sakura is shockingly pointless and it feels that she is just there for pairings' sake.

The fact that she gets compared to characters that get little panel time like Hinata so often is evidence of her failure as a main character. It means people even see her as an irrelevant side character just like Hinata. As a matter of fact, Kishi originally didn't want Sakura in the story but editors convinced him to. So Sakura really is something that has been forced and shoehorned since the beginning.

I strongly believe that Hinata would have been a better choice for the female member of Team 7. She has a dojutsu similar to Kakashi's. An underdog story like Naruto. Her father paid more attention to her sibling similar to Sasuke. Had great chakra control like the rest of her clan, so can learn everything Tsunade taught Sakura. Sakura also had a talent for Genjutsu which Kurenai was a specialist of, so her and Hinata would have been perfect on opposite teams.

A Failure Of A Heroine

The negatives just greatly overshadow the positives when it comes to Sakura being a heroine. She was pretty useless in battle and a damsel in distress in part 1. However, Kishi tries to make Sakura relevant in battle by having her be trained by Tsunade and promising to help Naruto bring Sasuke back instead of being on the sidelines like before. She puts up quite a fight against Sasori. But she reverts back to her part 1 status after that, as she is on sidelines in every other fight with her only saving grace being medical ninjutsu. But it gets really bad in the Kage Summit arc, where she knocks out her team (leaving them in the middle of nowhere with the Akastsuki memebers lurking around) to try to kill Sasuke herself and fails because she chokes, becoming a damsel in distress in the process(twice). After which she gives up on her promise and just cries, leaving it all up to Naruto to bring Sasuke back. Sakura got troll again.

If you look at the underlined words in the image above, you'll notice that Kishi states that Sakura had slipped his mind(lol). So Kishi tries to make up for his neglect of Sakura in the War Saga such ask founding out about the Zetsus' shape-shifting abilities. But Kishi humiliates her far more than he does throwing bones at her. Such as he has playing the damsel in distress yet again, with Kakashi having to save her from a wooden spike due to her being too slow to react. Gets pwned by a flying rock to the face in chapter 613, which is just embarrassing. And last but not least, Sakura stood there trembling at thought of stabbing Madara's eye which led to the Moon's Eye Plan being completed and she had about 8 chapters to destroy that eye. Ouch.

Her other positive moments are pretty much asspulls, such as her power up. So she have been storing chakra for three years to make the Yin Seal. Okay Tsunade did this, but the thing here is that she hadn't be in a fight at the time of making the seal like Sakura has. So this means Sakura was holding back against her fight against Sasori, making it harder for herself and Chiyo. And it means that she was holding back when Pain attacked the village where she choose to cry out for Naruto whom Pain is after, instead of going all out. There was no foreshadowing to this at all and it makes her look inconsiderate.

Even after this power-up she then says that she caught up with Naruto and Sasuke, no longer needing them to shield her, only to be rescue by them soon after. She goes back to the sidelines again and later becomes amazed by their Six Paths power-ups later. She utterly failed to achieve her goal to catch up to these two and it goes really against the idea that hard work can beat natural talent anytime. That's pretty humiliating.

What is also nonsensenial is her plot armor. For example: Sakura should have died when she blindly charged at Madara and becoming a damsel in distress yet again. As she was stabbed by his Yin/Yang rod. Which she shouldn't be able to regenerate from that with her medical ninjutsu since that thing negates ninjutsu as shown by Minato not being able to grow back his arms. However, she does heal from it due to the plot.

Another example of a nonsensenial plot armor moment was how she escaped getting by the Infinite Tsukuyomi. First off, why would Sasuke think that Naruto would be affected by Infinite Tsukuyomi? He's seen/told first hand that genjutsu doesn't affect Jinchuuriki and there is no logical way for him to know that his Susanoo can block the genjutsu as even Black Zetsu didn't know that himself. Sasuke shouldn't even know about the moonlight as Naruto didn't, so Hagoromo didn't tell him. This was just a contrived way to get the original Team 7 to save the world because they are the main characters. If Kishi had used logic Sakura would have been caught in the Genjutsu along with the rest of the world. At least her dream would have ended the pairing wars early because we would know who's D she truly wanted(lol).

The Plot Induced Stupidity surrounding Sakura continues in the Kaguya fight. Where she is mostly just a damsel in distress on the sidelines as usual and gets wet over Sexy Jutsu in the middle of a fight for the fate of the world which is just pitiful. Even her moments of shine are pathetic as they make no sense at all, such as her having enough chakra to make Obito travel through Kaguya's dimensions. The problem with this is that traveling through said dimensions eats away a large amount of Kaguya's chakra, which is basically the entire planet's population and the tailed beast, with natural energy that boosts her chakra level at least 10 fold...So how can Sakura who couldn't even replenish Shikamaru's chakra reserves and said herself that she was running out of chakra not too long ago, have enough chakra to make Obito be able to travel through these dimensions multiply times? This is just an incrediblely forced way to make Sakura look good.

Kishi does this again by getting a Sakura involved in the fight at the last second. As Sakura is able to punch Kaguya's horn off and damage her face, making her left cheek swell up...First off this woman tanked nine tailed beast Rasenshuriken without much damage and took a punch from Six Paths Naruto in the face in chapter 682 with only a little bruise, while Sakura was useless against Spiral Zetsu. Not to mention Kaguya was using yin/yang release at the time so her ninjutsu negation ability (which affects both her truth seeking ball and body as shown by Obito) should have been active. Sakura's "super strength" is actually nin-taijutsu(when ninjutsu and taijutsu are combined) where she releases chakra from her fist on contact just like Body Flicker does with the feet which is ninjutsu. So that's another reason why Sakura's punch should have been totally useless.

These plot shields and illogical attempts at making Sakura look good instead make her look like a joke. As these feats are not accomplished by her skill but sloppy writing. Like when Kakashi ran through heavy gravity that was strong enough to hold down people of god tier strength(Naruto and Kaguya) with literally no explanation. Kishi has written Sakura to be so pathetic and weak that he had to resort to plot holes in order make her useful. These are not admirable feats for a heroine.

But in end Kishi takes a giant dump on her, as she ultimately fails to help Naruto bring Sasuke back like she promised. Naruto is the one that does all the heavy lifting while Sakura just cries and calls herself pathetic. Sakura got trolled once again.

Unrealistic Obession With Sasuke

This is the main reason why many readers hate her as her love for Sasuke surpasses Twilight levels of garbage. This what truly hurts her status as a heroine.

Sakura puts her obsession for Sasuke above everyone else including friends and family, and Kishi even said that her love for him was selfish. First she breaks her friendship Ino who protected her from bullies because she also had a crush on Sasuke. When Sasuke leaves the villages Sakura wants to come with him, leaving her friends and family behind, same thing happens at the end of Shippuden.

In Shippuden her obsession with Sasuke is still there with her punching Sai for calling him a traitor which is a fact. But it gets worse, as chaper 459 states that she would seek vengeance against the Cloud village if they killed Sasuke which would lead to a war. Sasuke Uchiha, whom was a missing-nin and international criminal at the time working with terrorist that plan on killing Naruto. The last time they met Sasuke tried to kill Naruto. Is this guy really worth all of that?

This obession even clouds her mind in battle. As When Sasuke tries to kill Team 7 and declares that he will destroy the village, Sakura doesn't kill him when she gets the chance. And in the 4th Great Ninja War she thinks about Sasuke's opinion of her when they are fighting Madara to save the world, wondering if he cares. And this is the killer: Sakura heals Sasuke before even knowing he gave up on his "revolution". The last time she saw him Sasuke declared that he'll kill Naruto and Tsunade. So why is she rushing to have him be able to move again? The answer is that her obession with Sasuke clouded her mind yet again and she could have put her friends at risk.

This unconditional love also doesn't make any sense. She had a crush on him because he was a nice guy to her for like 5 moments in the course of less than half a year. This isn't enough to make her love for Sasuke believable and realistically it should have ended after Sasuke's actions at the hospital fight. It just makes her look like immature woman that can't get over her early adolescent crush to many people.

Kishi tries to do some damage control in the Kage Summit Arc by having Sakura say that she wants Team 7 to laugh together again. But this was never shown and it feels like Kishi is insulting the reader's intelligence. But it seems like he just flat out gave up later, as chapter 693 has Sasuke saying that there is no reason for Sakura to love him and no character gives a counter-argument to this.

Now Heroes and heroines having flaws isn't a bad thing but this isn't acknowledge as a flaw in story. As Kakashi calls her "sweet girl" for it. And according to spoilers this is what Sakura says in The Last: “I know that feeling.Once you love someone as a little girl,you can never let go of that feeling." Really? Even if they tried to kill you, your friends, and your family like Sasuke tried to do with you? If I was a woman I would be offended by this character as Kishi considers her "realistic".

She just sends the worst moral message to readers I have ever seen in a manga. Just latch on to the pretty boy and endure abuse, because one day he'll stop and you'll finally have him to yourself. That's why Sakura is one of the worse character in this series in my book.

That's pretty much all I have to say about Sakura Haruno. See you next time on Asspull Naruto Shippuden with The Oostusuki Family!

Friday, November 7, 2014

Naruto Shippuden Critique Introduction:The Shyamalan Syndrome


Naruto is unquestionably one of the most iconic manga/anime out there. Evident by the recent Simpsons Treehouse of Horror Episode where Bart Simpson pretends to be the main character of the series and its sales. Even Snoop Dogg is a Naruto fan, look it up. Its not too surprising as it wasn't just a good action manga, but also a pretty good underdog story, about how hard work can trump natural talent anytime, and that you make your own destiny. Along with great characterization, drama, and story telling.

Well, that was what was Part 1 about. When the series started approaching the time skip now as "Shippuden"(which just ended) the symptoms of the Shyamalan Syndrome started to manifest in the writing. What is Shyamalan Syndrome you ask? Well, look at director M. Night Shyamalan's career. He was an academy award nominee for best writer with the Sixth Sense. But years later he won several Razzies awards with The Last Airbender. Basically the Shyamalan Syndrome is something that goes from hit to shit. 

The symptoms of SS include:

-Massive Plot holes.
-Nonsensical plotting.
-Unbelievable characterization.
-Subpar storytelling.
-Not following the "show, don't tell" rule.
-Terrible pacing.
-Unintentional comedy. 
-Epic phail.

M. Night Shyamalan's films such as Signs, Lady in The Water, The Happening, The Last Airbender, and After Earth have at least two of these symptoms. Naruto Shippuden actually has all of these and more which I'll talk about in a series of blogs but I want to talk about the ending first in this one. 

Hell, Masashi Kishimoto has become an even bigger laughing stock than Shyamalan himself. Want proof? Google "asspull" and see what images pop up. I'll give you a second...


Okay, you done? What did you see?...A shit ton of Naruto Shippuden images! So anyone who searches for that word and doesn't know of Naruto will think that was the title of the series. I mean there is Kick-Ass so people won't have a problem believing that a Japanese comic would have such title.

You know what? How about from now I'll refer to Shuppuden as Asspull? I mean Shippuden(especially the War Saga) is filled with them. Along with a mix of retcons and a dash of plot holes.

I bet you're wondering if I made this blog just to mock Asspull. Well, that's only partly true. I want to cheer up fans of Naruto, but are disappointed with Asspull and its half-ass ending. While also putting out legit criticisms to put certain types of people in their place. I'll let this video explain what I am talking about.

That's right, the Narutard. A fascinating creature isn't? Last week, I had a Narutard freaking out when I pointed out three giant plot holes in the series. Yesterday, I saw a Narutard telling someone to jump out a window for criticizing Sakura's atrocious character. When someone criticizes Asspull Narutards always say "don't like it, don't read it". Its almost as if they know that this once great series is now trash but they try to block it out of their minds and have panic attack when someone reminds them.

See, Asspull is less of an of time skip and more like a bad fanfic and parody of Naruto. Hard work can trump natural talent anytime? Naw, if you're not related to the Sage of Six Paths you're useless. Naruto an underdog? Not anymore, as he's now part of a famous clan like Sasuke. He's also the chosen one, a Child of Prophecy destined to fight a boy with magical eyes(Sasuke). He couldn't stop his second fight with Sasuke at the Valley's End even though he wanted to. So the final battle shows that you can't change your destiny after all.

I think that was the reason why Neji was killed. Kishi must have realized that he fucked up and created a disjointed narrative with the Child of Prophecy cliche. So he killed off Neji to keep him from saying that he was right. Evident by Sasuke not reviving him with his rinnigan abilities even though he is partly responsible for the revival of Ten-tails which killed him, Inochi, Shikaku, and many others. 

That's one of the reasons why many readers think the ending sucks. Sasuke gets absolutely no punishment for his quest to destroy to the Leaf Village out of petty reasons. What makes it worse is that this quest lead to the deaths of Samurai and the revival of the Ten-Tails as already mentioned(gave Obito dat tail). He doesn't even get exiled from the ninja nations. Reviving the people who's deaths Sasuke cause both directly and indirectly would have made his pardon acceptable. Stopping the world from becoming Zetsu(which was big cop-out I'll get into later) is not enough to excuse murder, attempted murder, and especially being an accessory to mass murder. 

Another reason why people think the ending sucks is because its rushed. People reflecting being in Infinite Tsukuyomi? People grieving those who's lives that were lost during the war? Tsunade giving Kakashi the Hokage title? Closure to major characters like Orochimaru and Kabuto? We get none that. 

Myself and many others sort of expected something like the starfish episode from Justice League, where Superman had this illusionary life on Krypton, and once he realized it was all a dream he just held his son as everything started to disintegrate. I mean they were in an illusion that lasted over 24 hours about their deceased loved ones being alive, so it must hurt to realize they are actually dead. It would have been interesting to see and add some drama but...rushed. Hinata should have been crying realizing that Neji was actually dead instead of smiling. Then again, she did go from grieving Neji to getting her panties soaked over holding Naruto's hand rather quickly. 

:Hinata: "Oh right, Neji is actually dead...But at least I had the longest romantic dream ever!...Oh, I need to change my pants before people think I wet myself..."

The only person that received some real grieving was Neji, showing his grave and Hinata crying. We don't see Inochi and Shikaku's graves and their kids are only shown in one panel with only Choiji crying and he didn't even lose his father, wtf. The funeral also only gets one measly page while Hirzen's funeral got a whole chapter and I think Asuma's did as well, another wtf. And what about Ao and Mabui who also died? Why aren't we shown Mei and A grieving them? That was an incredibly haf-assed requiem that should have been much more than a page and have actual dialogue instead of Sasuke's monologue about his "friendship" with Naruto.

Why did Tsunade resign from being Hokage all of a sudden? There is no reason given and Kakashi just lost his sharingan, making him the weakest Hokage in history. I guess its because Obito told Kakashi to be the sixth Hokage and that asshole's word is law. He is the coolest guy after all!

There was this guy on Naruto Forums called tari101190 who kept saying for months that Asspull will end on chapter 700 with more pages than usual that will wrap everything up. Well, he was right about the former but dead wrong about the latter as it was around as long as any other chapter. What the fuck happened to Orochimaru, Kabuto, and Team Hawk? What was that power Hashirama gave Sasuke to defeat Madara? What was the Zetsu army for? All half-assed! Hagoromo leaves off-panel and Spiral Zetsu dies for no logical reason! W...T...F!

Then there is the epilogue which also serves as Part 3's intro.  Its pretty much fanservice for pairing fans. Many people don't like it due the lack of development of the pairings and the designs of the children. Personally I'm fine with the epilogue as I chuckle at the thought of Hinata getting the Sexy Reverse Harem Justu followed by the Uzumaki Barrage where Naruto kicks her...with his third legs! I mean come on? Naruto's a pervert and 99% of wives would love their husbands to have such an ability(don't lie ladies).  There was already loads of hentai of Naruto gang-banging Hinata and there will tons more now that its canon!

It's amazing how everyone had kids around the same time. Then again, Kishi kinda foreshadowed the "baby boom" in a 2013 interview.

The only thing I truly dislike about the epilogue is SasuSaku being canon for obvious reasons. Which almost every reader I have seen is disgusted about. Just look at this poll here from a Naruto Board.

Speaking of SasuSaku, Sakura will be one subjects of my blog series as she is one of seven major flaws in Asspull. The following subjects will be in this orders:

Chapter 1: Sakura Haruno 
Chapter 2: The Oostusuki Family
Chapter 3: Obito Uchiha
Chapter 4: The War Saga
Chapter 5: Wasted Characters
Chapter 6: Half-Baked Ideas
Chapter 7: Sasuke Uchiha 
Chapter 8: Naruto Uzukmaki
Chapter 9: Rating

See you next time on Asspull!

Saturday, April 5, 2014

Naruto Tier List

God Tier
Juubi jin Hagoromo
Prime Juubi
Ōtsutsuki Twins

Demigod Tier
Juubi jin Madara
8Th Gate Gai
Juubi(with Gyuki and Yang Kurama)

Elite Tier
Juubi jin Obito
Senjustu+Rinngan Madara
BSM Naruto
Senjustu+EMS Sasuke
BM Konoha 9 (Sai, Lee, TenTen, Choji, Ino, Shikamaru, Hinata, Kiba, Shino)

Top Tier
Juubi(without Gyuki and Kurama)

High Tier
BM Minato
BM Naruto
Son Goku

Upper Tier
Version 2  jinchuuriki
7th Gate Gai
RM Naruto
Prime Hiruzen

Middle Tier
Version 1 -jinchuuriki
Kakashi(High with Demon Cloak)
Hiashi(High with Demon Cloak)
Sakura(High with Demon Cloak)
SM Naruto
(High with Demon Cloak)
6th Gated Gai
Choji(High with Demon Cloak)

Low Tier
Initial Jinchuriki Form
Gai(Middle with Demon Cloak)
Termari(Middle with Demon Cloak)
Shizune(Middle with Demon Cloak)

Bottom Tier
Hinata(Upper with Demon Cloak)
Ino(Middle with Demon Cloak)
Tenten(Middle with Demon Cloak)

Negligible Tier